


I Can't Stop Thinking About.....Us

by sassystarrynight



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Heartbreak, M/M, non linear, spoilers I like happy endings, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 13:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1032403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassystarrynight/pseuds/sassystarrynight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a soft, graze of lips, an exchange of breath…..</p><p>[Thor knew of heartache.]</p><p>Steve was different, nothing like those who had previously stolen his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Stop Thinking About.....Us

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from OneRepublic's, Can't Stop, song, also the inspiration to this story
> 
> The narrative is not necessarily linear- I do hope it is not overly confusing. It is my first time writing something like this.
> 
> Concerning the other female and male character, I took their names from mythology, but they were obviously changed in order to fit the story. 
> 
> Also, I have a thing for Thor angst, I would apologize but I am actually not that terribly sorry over it.

**It was a soft, graze of lips, an exchange of breath…..**

……………………………..

_He was ten years old when he fell in love for the first time._

_She had her hair pinned up, wisps of hair falling to frame her face. In that moment, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen._

_Sif. A force to be reckoned with, who gave as good as she got._

_She literary knocked him off his feet a few days later._

_He had loved her as much as a ten year old boy could._

……………………………

 Jane opened the door and he couldn’t help smiling sheepishly at her shocked face.

“Thor! What are you doing here?” She asked, looking around, wondering if there were others with him, but he just shook his head.

“You had mentioned that I did not visit with you and I thought you could host me for some number of days.”

Jane grinned, motioning for Thor to come inside. If she noticed that his smile didn’t reach his eyes, she did not mention it.

“Thor!” Darcy perked up, sitting up and waving excitedly at the blond, who only chuckled and waved back.

“If staying here will be a problem I shall-“

“It’s no problem, don’t worry about it.” Darcy cut him off, waving the comment off, grinning the whole time. Jane scoffed and proceeded to argue with Darcy, over what, Thor was not completely sure. He could hear the fondness in Jane’s voice; it was the tone of a set routine, pattern and it washed over Thor, comforting him.

He smiled and took a seat next to Darcy.

…………………………………………

_His mother used to tell him that he fell in love too easily._

_He gave his heart freely; he would only get hurt if he kept that up._

………………………………………..

“Here, you can take pictures with it too!” Darcy grinned as she bent over the sofa, resting her head on Thor’s shoulder, phone held up so they could both see it.

Darcy had been teaching him the ways of his new cell phone. He had to remember to ask Tony if Darcy could be given one as well, it seemed she really loved his.

“And send it to people in your contacts.” Darcy explained and Thor grinned at the image of his teammates shocked faces when they received a picture from him.

“What are you two doing?” Jane asked walking over and plucking the phone from Darcy’s fingers, causing Thor and Darcy to pout.

“None of that now, come, let’s get dinner ready.”

Thor laughed as he watched Jane and Darcy bicker over how to cook the fish Jane had just bought. It wasn’t anything obvious, at least, not in front of him, but he could see the grazing of fingers, the soft smiles.

Thor was happy for them, and he let their love wash over him.

……………………………………….

_They never held hands, but they fought together, sparred for hours. It was what they had needed, had wanted._

_His love for her changed, hers didn’t._

_When he fell in love with Jamsaxa, Sif left for the Valkyries._

_She left before he could apologize, before he could tell her that a part of him will always love her. And perhaps, that was why she left, not wanting to hear those words._

…………………………………….

[His mother never once told him that he would end up hurting those he loved in return.]

………………………………………

**“Wait, I-I don’t….-you…not like that-“**

…………………………………….

The sound of his phone buzzing had him reaching out, blindly, not willing to remove his eyes from the movie they were watching.

He had a number of messages!

[Tony] Hey, big guy, glad to see you are learning to use the phone

[Tony] Very artistic, picture of a plant, you should put it on Instagram

Thor frowned at that, making a note to ask the girls about the Instagram.

He wasn’t sure about Clint’s picture of a poptart.

Steve’s messaged remained unopened.

…………………………………….

_Jamsaxa had long, red hair, reminded Thor of a fire. And like a small candle, she had had a sense fragility around her that pulled him in. With her, it was all gentle touches, slow dances, and sweet kisses. He wouldn’t find out about her sickness until later, but by then he loved her too much._

_He thought about a future with her, in a way that he hadn’t with Sif._

_But it wasn’t meant to be._

_Thor lost Jamsaxa and on that day, he learned that some things couldn’t be changed._

………………………………………..

[Steve] are you going to drop by the tower any time soon?

[Thor] I do not know when but I will drop by soon

………………………………………..

“Look, Barbie Doll, not that I don’t like that you have other friends….alright, that’s a lie. You shouldn’t have other friends, when you have me. I’m all the friend you need, that anyone needs. Obviously.”

Thor laughed.

“But seriously, you are going to come around the tower, right?”

“I shall, just I do not quite know when.”

“If this is about Star Spangled-“

“I am spending time with friends, Anthony. I shall head to the tower when I please.”

“Right, sore topic, I get it.”

…………………………………….

**“My apologies, I thought….it does not matter.”**

…………………………………

“Are you going to tell us what happened?” Jane asked him, looking up from the journal she was writing in. Darcy looked up at that, waiting eagerly for Thor to answer.

He had been there with them for three weeks now. Surprised they waited that long to ask him.

The words got stuck in his throat. If he was honest with himself, he couldn’t tell anyone but the two of them, waiting for his answer. No one in Asgard would truly understand….and the others…..he wasn’t sure he was ready to tell them of it.

“I kissed Steve Rogers.”

“Captain America?!”

“I misunderstood his actions.” He added softly, closing his eyes, not opening them even as he felt his two friends curl around him.

“Hey, we are open to threesomes if you are ever inclined-“

“Darcy!”

Thor grinned, relaxing into the couch, letting their warmth comfort him. If there were tears running down his face, they didn’t mention it.

“I know! Ice cream! And Ryan Gosling.”

“And cupcakes and chocolate!”

………………………………………….

_Fandral had always been extremely handsome, perhaps that would never change. He had been the first man Thor found himself attracted to._

_Not the last, but definitely the first._

_It was not love, not the way he had loved Sif nor Jamsaxa. No one but his mother ever learned of the attraction, of his crush._

……………………………………………

[Steve] There is an exhibit at the Met

[Thor] I am not sure I will be back from Asgard on time

…………………………………………….

**“I’m sorry….”**

…………………………………………..

Thor rushed out to New York, landing just in time to send a Doom Bot flying before they could hurt Black Widow.

“Thor! Nice of you to fly in.” She quirked a grin in thanks, before turning to shoot down the incoming aliens.

“Thor!”

Thor turned around to see Captain America, who was motioning to the huge tank where the bots were coming out from. Not needing to be told twice, Thor raised his hand, feeling the crackling energy gathering. It made him smile slightly, the feeling of lightning, waiting to be unleashed and he did, sending it crashing down upon the tank.

 “I don’t think Doom will be done with us so easily,” came Clint’s voice through the intercom.

“Rapunzel, made it just in time.” Tony landed, teetering a bit, but his visor was up and he was grinning widely at Thor.

“Good job everyone.”

Thor looked up at Steve, first time since that night, and all Thor could do was grin and clap Steve’s shoulder.

“Indeed, apologies for taking long to arrive.”

“I think what we need is food, yes?” Tony cut in, turning just in time to see Hulk land behind him, slowly changing back to Bruce.

Thor chuckled as Tony ushered them about, and Thor really had missed them all.

“Are you staying?” Steve asked, for like always, Thor and Steve found themselves walking next to each other. Thor looked at Steev, studied his face. There was hesitation on Steve’s face, like he wished to say something….Thor quickly answered, fearful of what Steve could be thinking of.

“Nay, I will be going to Asgard from here, but I will return soon and we can see the exhibit at the Met.”

Thor put on his biggest grin, because Jane and Darcy were right, it was time to try and move on. A month was enough.

It had to.

He would not jeopardize their friendship any more than he already had.

…………………………………….

_Prymr was handsome, with dark eyes and auburn hair. His smile was what had pulled Thor in, it was big and bright and Thor loved it._

_He was one of the guards and had his father ever found out, it would not have been pretty. If his father knew, he never said a word._

_Still, Thor would ask Prymr to spar with him, and they did more than spar on certain days._

_Thor felt like he was floating during that time…..but Thor was the heir and Prymr was just a guard._

_It wasn’t meant to last._

…………………………………..

[He never wanted to hurt anyone.]

…………………………………

Thor smiled wide as he stared at the book decorated with many jewels. It was indeed beautiful and very ornate; made him wonder what his mother would say, or his father. He could see his father with such a book. He probably had many of them decorated like that one.

“Hey.” Steve shuffled to stand next to him, peering down at the book.

“There are so many intricate treasures here! I do believe the title of this exhibit was accurately named.” Thor turned his head to beam at Steve, who grinned back at him. It was nice.

They fell back into a comfortable silence as they continue looking at all the objects in the exhibit. Thor was glad that Steve did not seem to speak of that day at the park. He wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or not.

But….he truly had missed Steve, even if he didn’t return his affections.

………………………………………

**“No, it is I who must apologize. I am sorry for misunderstanding your intentions Captain. It shall not happen again.”**

……………………………………

[It was not his first heartbreak.]

……………………………………

“We need to send you to Jane and Darcy more often. You come back making chocolate chip pancakes.” Clint said as he stuffed his face with said pancakes. Natasha shot him a disgusted look and threw him a napkin.

“They are definitely great teachers, though, I do not think they have variety in their meals.” Thor mused, thinking about how many times they had eaten pancakes while he had been there. He definitely learned how to make pancakes.

“These are really good. We should make pancakes a thing now.” Steve added, eagerly devouring his pancakes. Thor beamed, trying to push the butterflies in his stomach away.

“Barbie! There you are…ohhh, Bruce, why didn’t you tell me there were pancakes.”

“I did.” Bruce shrugged, looking quite unapologetic.

“You should get some before there are all gone.” Steve chimed in, stacking his plate with more pancakes, shooting Thor a grin.

Thor laughed.

…………………………………

[Darcy] We are going to be giving candy to kids for Halloween

[Jane] You and the others if they want, could come over

……………………………………

Thor had been sure that they wouldn’t be inclined to going along, but Steve had agreed readily. Tony had been onboard even before Thor could finish proposing it to them.

“Do we have to wear costumes? We are going to be inside.” Steve frowned, tugging at his cape, feeling slightly ridiculous.

“You look fine Captain. I do believe that this is a better vampire costume compared to the one with the many sparkles.” Thor teased Steve, who turned around to finally see Thor in his costume. He stood there, mouth open and Thor wasn’t sure if it was good or not.

“Rapunzel? Nice.” Clint grinned, coming out in his costume of Legolas. Tony thought he was hilarious like that.

“He was really receptive about the dress!” Tony finally made his appearance in the costume of Flynn Rider. Natasha was the only one to notice the annoyance on Steve’s face.

“It is not my first time in a dress.” Thor shrugged like it was no big deal.

“You look beautiful.”

Thor beamed at Steve, who beamed back at him.

“He’s my princess, get your own!” Tony cut in, dragging a laughing Thor away.

…………………………………….

_Meeting Jane had been his saving grace. He could not bear the thought of having never met Jane. She helped him see things, helped him realize that he needed to change. She gave him that last push and he loved her for it, loves her for it._

_Being with her had made him smile, comforted him, gave him the strength to fight and to win._

_It freshened him, reminded him of his family, friends, of his feelings._

_Some that were painful and some that lighten his heart._

_He could never stop loving her, not fully._

_And it hurt, the day she told him they were better as friends, but she was right._

_She would always be his friend and she was happier this way._

_He wanted her happy._

…………………………………..

[Steve] Do you want to come over for dinner and movie?

…………………………………..

**“Thor-“**

…………………………………

“Who is that?” Steve asked as he looked over Thor’s shoulder, frowning the whole time.

“It is a friend of Darcy’s, she wishes for me to have dinner with him.” Thor sighed, and well, he could admit to himself that the man on the picture was handsome. Slicked back red hair and green eyes, and Darcy was only trying to help.

“Why?”

“She believes I need a distraction….Jane believes I am lonely.” Thor mused, putting the phone down as he shook his head.

“Are you going to accept?”

Something in Steve’s tone had Thor looking up at him, confused. It was clear by the way that Steve was furrowing his eyebrows that he did not approve of him going out with the fellow.

“Perhaps, not now, but they won’t stop until I agree. Do not worry, if I do, I shall tell them nothing about the team.” Thor grinned, patting Steve on the shoulder and slipping away to his room. He didn’t wait for Steve’s response. Their friendship was stable once again, if perhaps, wobbling at places, but Thor was sure with time Thor’s feelings would go away and everything will go back to normal.

Eventually.

……………………………………………

 Thanksgiving was spent fighting against Loki. Tony joked that at least Thor was spending it with family. None of the others thought it was funny.

Thor still missed his brother, even if he knew that Loki, wasn’t really his brother anymore.

Steve found him later that night, hot chocolate in hand. He didn’t say anything as he sat next to Thor.

Thor was thankful for Steve’s presence. At times, when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be alone or not, just having Steve there, made Thor feel comforted.

………………………………………………

**“It is fine, Steve. Truly. Let us resume our journey to the Tower. Please.”**

………………………………………….

_Steve was different._

_It was not something that happened quickly._

_It started with hesitation and necessity, but it melted into respect._

…………………………………………

“How was the dinner?”

Thor jumped, not expecting to see anyone in the lobby.

“Steve!” He grinned but Steve didn’t return the grin.

“It went well, but I do not think I will be seeing him again.” Thor mused, motioning for Steve to join him in heading up the elevator. Steve frowned but followed along.

“Did he hurt you?” Steve finally asked, turning to look at Thor, searching for the answer on Thor’s face.

“No, he was nice. A good friend, perhaps, but nothing more.” Thor was touched that Steve worried for him, that he had waited for him. He had to remind himself that it was what friends did.

“Are you, lonely?”

Thor was definitely surprised at the sudden question.

“You said that Jane thought you were lonely, are you?”

Thor was saved from answering by the elevator doors opening.

“Good night Captain.”

………………………………………………

_Respect made it easy for their friendship to bloom. They both had so much to learn from the world, and Steve was a good teacher. He caught up quickly, being form Earth, and it was easy for him to teach Thor._

_They found in each other a companion, a friend._

_Steve always tried to keep his negative comments about Loki to himself._

_Thor didn’t press about his time as a popsicle, as Tony always called it._

_But for Thor, friendship turned to more……._

_He wanted more, wanted to run his fingers through the Captain’s hair, press his lips against the other’s, lose himself in him. Thor wanted to be held and touched and consumed by Steve.it was like nothing he had felt in a while, if perhaps ever. It was different._

_Thor lost himself in the feelings._

_He had a tendency to do that._

……………………………………………………

**“Are you….?”**

………………………………………….

“Thor!”

Thor felt pain as he was slammed against one of the buildings. Loki had weakened him, had cast something upon him. He wasn’t healing like he should have been, glass and metal cutting into him. He clenched his jaw as he stumbled to his feet.

“Thor? Are you ok?”

Thor didn’t have enough time to answer for he was once again slammed against another building. His teammates screaming his name was the last thing he heard, before he lost consciousness.

……………………………………………….

_Thor knew, now, that he should have been more direct. Nothing would have changed his heartbreak, but perhaps it would not been prolonged if Thor had only been communicative. But he had asked Pepper….and Jane….and even inquired once from Natasha, they had made it clear that there were certain courting rituals that could not be missed._

_Steve should have realized his intent…..and perhaps he had but had been too shy, unsure of how to let Thor down?_

_And maybe….just maybe….Thor was, for the first time, afraid to be clear, afraid of a clear answer. He felt better, living a ruse, if just for a few months._

……………………………………………….

“You are healing fine now, whatever Loki did to you has faded.” Steve muttered, sitting on the chair next to Thor’s bed.

Thor sighed, still feeling quite exhausted; he didn’t even react when he felt Steve’s hand slip into his.

“I was worried.”

“I shall be fine Captain.”

Thor took the moment to squeeze Steve’s hand, trying to offer a smile. However, he was still tired and his healing factor would speed up once he was sleeping….so after feeling Steve squeeze back, Thor fell into a deep sleep.

……………………………………………..

**It was a soft graze of lips, an exchange of breath…..**

**“Wait, I-I don’t….-you…not like that-“**

**He took a step back and he wondered if the hurt was clear on his face.**

**“My apologies, I thought….it does not matter.” He cut himself off, forcing a big grin.**

**“I’m sorry….”**

**“No, it is I who must apologize. I am sorry for misunderstanding your intentions Captain. It shall not happen again.”**

**“Thor-“**

**“It is fine, Steve. Truly. Let us resume our journey to the Tower. Please.”  
“Are you….?”**

**“Aye.”**

……………………………………………..

[It wouldn’t be his last.]

…………………………………………….

[Jane] Heard you are feeling better

[Darcy] How are things with the Captain?

……………………………………………..

“Should have been seen Capsicle here, thought he would have a heart attack, and at his age, it isn’t that far off.” Tony said as he waved his fork around in the air.

“Tony.” Pepper shot Tony a look that he pretended to not notice by rummaging through the fridge.

“No, seriously, Princess, he was hysterical, would have gone Romeo-wait, you haven’t read that yet have you?” Tony turned to look at Thor, who was just frowning in confusion.

“That’s enough Stark.” Steve cut in, shooting Tony a glare, but not like it ever did any good.

“I am relieved and happy to be back to optimal health!” Thor cut in, knowing that if let to continue, Tony would just aggravate Steve more. He shot Steve a smile, but Steve didn’t return it, instead he excused himself. Thor watched him leave, a bit hurt, but he was quickly distracted by Tony.

…………………………………………..

“Come, I have something to show you.”

Thor had never ridden on Steve’s motorcycle before, and it was definitely an experience. He found he rather enjoyed it, it was exhilarating, like flying. If perhaps he clutched a little too tightly at Steve, the other didn’t say anything.

“I found this small pond, it is frozen over now, but it is still beautiful.” Steve led him out into a small park, bike locked in the tiny, tiny parking lot the park had. Thor was pretty sure it would be safe, since there didn’t seem to be anyone around. Still, all thoughts were swept away the moment they finally stopped by the small pond.

 “It is indeed beautiful.”

Thor stared out in awe and he was completely unaware of Steve’s proximity.

He wasn’t expecting the lips on his, dry and chapped from the wind. Thor’s breath hitched and he automatically tilted his head down, gently pressing back…..

But then he remembered.

“This is a cruel joke! I did not think you capable of this.” Thor pushed Steve away, using more strength than he needed, Steve always toppled over. Thor didn’t care, eyes tearing up as he glared at Steve.

“Thor, it is not what-“

“You had your fun, I want to go home.” Thor cut him off, pushing past him but he was stopped by Steve’s hand wrapping around Thor’s wrist.

“No, let me explain-“

“I do not wish to listen to anything you have to say.”

“You will listen to me.”

Thor pulled away from Steve’s hold, the sky darkening, thunder rumbling in the distance.

“I may defer to you in the field, Captain Rogers, but do not mistake my respect for your authority to mean that you can order me out of it. I will see you at home.”

…………………………………………….

[Steve] Where are you?

[Thor] This is Darcy, he is with us

…………………………………………

Darcy and Jane wrapped him in blankets and offered him hot chocolate. The story spilled from his lips, but there were not tears this time. He was hurt, but he was also confused and tired….unsure.

He fell asleep to their petting…in the morning, his head was on Steve’s lap. Thor sighed, shifting so he was looking up at Steve, who only offered a tired yet sincere smile back.

“What are you doing here?”

“That day, at the park, I didn’t know how to react….I had never thought about it….about us, in that way.” Steve started, fingers combing through Thor’s hair.

“I’m not good at dating, you’ve heard my stories of the few dates I had been on. I didn’t notice that after a while, I didn’t want to spend time with anyone that wasn’t you. Then I didn’t see you and you weren’t talking to me….and when you came back, it was like nothing had changed……and for a few days I tried to act like I was fine, but I wasn’t…..I wasn’t the same….and then I admitted to myself that I wanted us to be more.” Steve admitted, voice soft, eyes never once moving from Thor’s face.

“I realized I liked you.”

Thor smiled, letting himself fall back to sleep, too tired and unwilling to fight to stay awake. If it was a dream, it was a good dream.

……………………………………………….

_He once asked his mother if she regretted marrying his father._

_Perhaps it hadn’t been a lot of a choice, but she never regretted it. No point in it._

_He didn’t understood at the time._

_….he would like to think he understood it better now._

……………………………………………….

“Let’s start over, from the beginning, without any miscommunications this time.”

Steve offered, and Thor couldn’t say no.

“I would love that.”

“Then, Thor Odinson, would you go on a date with me.”

Thor didn’t answer with words.

………………………………………..

It was a soft graze of lips, an exchange of breath…..

…………………………………….

[For now, he was happy.]

 

**Author's Note:**

> Even though I understand we all have different understanding of characters, I hope my interpretations weren't completely out there. 
> 
> I was craving a little Thundershield drama. I have learned by writing this that I like the idea of Steve and Thor fighting....and then making up of course.
> 
> BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed the story!!


End file.
